Getting Rusty

This weekend there was a spider camped out above my bed near the intersection of the wall/ceiling. I tried killing it by attacking it with a shoe, but I failed by trying to attack it with a shoe that slightly curved up at the bottom so the only thing that happened when I tried to smash it was the spider falling off the wall and going between my bed and the wall, very much ALIVE still. Only a perfectly flat shoe could have killed the spider in that location. It probably knew it, too. Creepy.

Anyway, later that afternoon I went back into my bedroom and saw a bug on my window blinds (over my bed) that looked like a spider (but it wasn’t). I thought ‘oh ho ho silly Berkley… why did I freak out so much earlier when the thing on the wall wasn’t even a spider?!’ I quickly grabbed a Kleenex and killed the little bug. Easy schmeazy.

Dang spiders; setting bait and throwing me off course.

Last night the spider was back in its usual spot (above my bed, in the crevice of the wall and ceiling) and I had a minor freak out, imagining the spider crawling around my bed while I slept the night before (while I slept peacefully, thinking that I had killed the bug that wasn’t even a spider). This time I knew I had to kill the dang spider or I would be sleeping on the couch that night.

Standing on my bed and staring at the spider, eye to eye, I realized it was pretty dang big and gross. I’ve been rusty in my spider killing skills (you can read about my old ninja spider killing skills here), so the thought of killing a spider grossed me out completely. Even trying to ask Moriah nicely if she would kill it for me wouldn’t work. Luckily this time I knew all the tricks. I had Moriah give me a flip flop that had a completely flat sole. We moved a trash can directly under the spider and flat against the wall (in case the spider decided to fall again). I practiced killing the spider by putting my flip flop against the wall/ceiling next to the spider to make sure it would be completely flat (hey, I had to leave zero room for errors). And then… I couldn’t do it. I stalled. It was similar to the feeling of stepping up to a cliff and stalling your jump into the water below (let’s be serious here, I’d never jump off a cliff into water… too afraid of heights). Finally, after giving myself a good pep talk, I pounced on the spider and held the shoe there for a few long seconds to make sure the spider couldn't somehow escape. That thing was obliterated... take that spiders.

Looks like someone is finally smarter than a spider... (yeah, it's me).