I went with my sister Moriah and roommate Kelsey to a Ke$ha concert this past weekend. People keep asking me why it was so horrible, so I decided to post a 'Top 10 Countdown List' (David Letterman style) that I wrote Saturday morning.
Here it goes:
10. The swearing. The audience, Ke$ha's opening act, and Ke$ha all swore like a sailor. Pretty sure I heard the F word more times in one night than I have since high school. And, it's been a while since high school. And no, in case you're wondering, swearing does not make you cool. It increases your level of trailer trashness by about 500%.
9. Ke$ha's skit. She asked for a guy out of the audience, tied him to a chair... and yadda yadda yadda I am now scarred for life (and no, I will not provide details).
8. The amount of high schoolers at the concert. I usually love going to concerts, but I felt 10 years too old to be there. The Ke$ha concert may or may not be my last pit concert. I love concerts, but I think I'll only go now if I have a seat (for my reasons, see numbers 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, and 2 below).
7. The haze in the air. Not sure if somebody snuck weed into the concert, but we left reeking like weed. This morning I woke up, left my room, came back into my room, and almost had to leave again because my room reeked like weed so badly. Now I am doing laundry.
6. The drunk dude that was looking for a 'girlfriend' (and yes he said he was looking for a girlfriend). Within about 10 miunutes of arriving at the concert, a drunk dude found his way to our corner and started hitting on every single girl within a 3 feet area (if you're thinking 'hmm that's not very big' then see 5 and 4 below). He first hit on a cute little blonde girl in front of us. Then, he hit on Moriah. Then, he hit on me. Thank you Moriah for literally pushing him away.
5. The pushing. When I was younger I loved being at the front of concerts and would force my way towards the front. Or, I would even stand in the middle of the pit and not mind the pushing. Now, I can't handle it. We found a good area near the front 1/4 of the concert hall and thought we would be okay - and we were for the most part (see number 2). But, this was one of the worst pit concerts I've ever seen. Kelsey tried to keep track and lost track after about 35... 35 being the number of girls that fainted and had to be lifted out of the pit.
4. The sweaty people. I must admit, there's not too many things worse in life than being crammed against strangers and having a big sweaty person cramming their way through your area, rubbing their dripping, sweaty, nasty body against you as they pass. And yes, once they passed, I rubbed the nastiness that was left on my arms on the person in front of me. Who wouldn't? I'm sure the people behind me did the same thing to me.
3. The amount of drunk/high people at the concert. I'm fairly certain there may have been a total of 5 people at the concert who weren't intoxicated/high --which includes me, Kelsey, and Moriah in that number. You know those scary zombie movies where the good guys are trying to get to a certain location and run into another group of humans along their journey? And the good guys start talking to the new strangers only to find out (and with scary movie music starting in the background) that those humans are indeed zombies and they have to run away? Well, that's what I felt like at the concert. I tried to warn a few cute little girls that they shouldn't force their way into the pit because about 35 girls had fainted, but one just looked at me, smiled really big, said something like "I'm SOooo HIGHHHH!" (with the F word thrown in) and shoved past. Last time I try to help a little girl.
2. The gay corner we were in. Somehow we were surrounded by gay couples, gay 4-somes, and gay people in general. You know, I'm fine with gay people - I have gay friends. BUT, I am NOT okay with gay PDA (I don't even like hetero couple PDA at concerts). This particular group of 4 gay guys was standing right in front of us --making out, groping one another, and dancing like they were exotic dancers. And, no, they didn't have a particular partner. They made out with the closest gay guy available. Scarred for life. Again.
1. Beardo the weirdo trailer park hero. Ke$ha's opening act was the worst act I've witnessed in my life and I've been to quite a few concerts. He was white, looked 45, had a fro mullet, wore hot pink spandex pants, an 80's tank top, didn't have any semblance of being attractive (yes, I tried to look for anything good) and quite possibly sang the worst music I've ever heard, not to mention he said the F word every other sentence. He was so awful that I even tried plugging my ears... but the music was so loud it didn't work. My mouth was open in shock for about 95% of his set, wondering how he even booked this gig wtih Ke$ha, the other 5% was open in disgust.
Here it goes:
10. The swearing. The audience, Ke$ha's opening act, and Ke$ha all swore like a sailor. Pretty sure I heard the F word more times in one night than I have since high school. And, it's been a while since high school. And no, in case you're wondering, swearing does not make you cool. It increases your level of trailer trashness by about 500%.
9. Ke$ha's skit. She asked for a guy out of the audience, tied him to a chair... and yadda yadda yadda I am now scarred for life (and no, I will not provide details).
8. The amount of high schoolers at the concert. I usually love going to concerts, but I felt 10 years too old to be there. The Ke$ha concert may or may not be my last pit concert. I love concerts, but I think I'll only go now if I have a seat (for my reasons, see numbers 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, and 2 below).
7. The haze in the air. Not sure if somebody snuck weed into the concert, but we left reeking like weed. This morning I woke up, left my room, came back into my room, and almost had to leave again because my room reeked like weed so badly. Now I am doing laundry.
6. The drunk dude that was looking for a 'girlfriend' (and yes he said he was looking for a girlfriend). Within about 10 miunutes of arriving at the concert, a drunk dude found his way to our corner and started hitting on every single girl within a 3 feet area (if you're thinking 'hmm that's not very big' then see 5 and 4 below). He first hit on a cute little blonde girl in front of us. Then, he hit on Moriah. Then, he hit on me. Thank you Moriah for literally pushing him away.
5. The pushing. When I was younger I loved being at the front of concerts and would force my way towards the front. Or, I would even stand in the middle of the pit and not mind the pushing. Now, I can't handle it. We found a good area near the front 1/4 of the concert hall and thought we would be okay - and we were for the most part (see number 2). But, this was one of the worst pit concerts I've ever seen. Kelsey tried to keep track and lost track after about 35... 35 being the number of girls that fainted and had to be lifted out of the pit.
4. The sweaty people. I must admit, there's not too many things worse in life than being crammed against strangers and having a big sweaty person cramming their way through your area, rubbing their dripping, sweaty, nasty body against you as they pass. And yes, once they passed, I rubbed the nastiness that was left on my arms on the person in front of me. Who wouldn't? I'm sure the people behind me did the same thing to me.
3. The amount of drunk/high people at the concert. I'm fairly certain there may have been a total of 5 people at the concert who weren't intoxicated/high --which includes me, Kelsey, and Moriah in that number. You know those scary zombie movies where the good guys are trying to get to a certain location and run into another group of humans along their journey? And the good guys start talking to the new strangers only to find out (and with scary movie music starting in the background) that those humans are indeed zombies and they have to run away? Well, that's what I felt like at the concert. I tried to warn a few cute little girls that they shouldn't force their way into the pit because about 35 girls had fainted, but one just looked at me, smiled really big, said something like "I'm SOooo HIGHHHH!" (with the F word thrown in) and shoved past. Last time I try to help a little girl.
2. The gay corner we were in. Somehow we were surrounded by gay couples, gay 4-somes, and gay people in general. You know, I'm fine with gay people - I have gay friends. BUT, I am NOT okay with gay PDA (I don't even like hetero couple PDA at concerts). This particular group of 4 gay guys was standing right in front of us --making out, groping one another, and dancing like they were exotic dancers. And, no, they didn't have a particular partner. They made out with the closest gay guy available. Scarred for life. Again.
1. Beardo the weirdo trailer park hero. Ke$ha's opening act was the worst act I've witnessed in my life and I've been to quite a few concerts. He was white, looked 45, had a fro mullet, wore hot pink spandex pants, an 80's tank top, didn't have any semblance of being attractive (yes, I tried to look for anything good) and quite possibly sang the worst music I've ever heard, not to mention he said the F word every other sentence. He was so awful that I even tried plugging my ears... but the music was so loud it didn't work. My mouth was open in shock for about 95% of his set, wondering how he even booked this gig wtih Ke$ha, the other 5% was open in disgust.
**post edit note**
I forgot about one thing that made the concert slightly enjoyable. Ke$ha's 'slave' was SANTA!!! Yes, she had a jolly old man dressed up in a Santa suit answering to her every beck and call.
Two of my favorite phrases from the night were:
"SANTA bring me a beer!!"
Or
"SANTA I need a chair!!"
Maybe it's just me, but I thought it was hilarious...
